Paper

His eyes were filled with water. I just had a glimpse of his current situation. Ì really don’t know what had happened in his past that might have forced him to stand in the thunderstorm and sell small things. The small things which most of the people wouldn’t buy. The people which are bound to “status symbol” thing. And the people like me won’t buy because of the thought what will my friends say. And some will not buy saying I don’t need it.
All what he was in need was, few pieces of paper. The paper with some digits on it. And a bald man as it’s value. That piece of paper which is called as RUPEE in India.

There was a rush of cars, busses, people and the shopkeepers. And there was a rush of a piece of paper in my mind which I hadn’t struggled to get, yet!
He was almost 60 in his age. While managing the stuff in his hands, he was requesting every person to buy something. I have seen many other people in the same condition, But have never seen anyone with wet eyes.

I too passed by along with my friends as everyone else did. A silence is still screaming in my mind. The silence of a common man, which is suppressed by value of a Paper.

Presence

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That was a soft touch.A touch without actual contact with two bodies.The touch that was close to my soul.A touch which gave me goosebumps.

He was lying beside me.His body was so warm to make me feel cozy.His sparkling eyes were all what you need to see the whole world.While asking me to look another side,he kissed my forehead.Sometimes you can’t express your feelings in words and you’re left with a smile in moist eyes! He was sleeping a few moments after that and i was still lying my head on his chest.His hands were covering my head.I kept staring at his face the whole time.The time when you look at your love in between the moments of making love is just the time when you find him more adorable.It is beyond my words to explain about him.He is adorable.He is amazing in his own way.But I just can’t even tell him anymore!

He smiled when he looked me staring at him.He was little unconscious.He was in deep sleep.Then he opened his eyes and lifted me up.My eyes were getting closed as i was going close to his warm breath.He just gave me a silent look and touched my lips with his fingers.The two hearts had joined marathon in few microseconds.A silence in the room was making the dark room more romantic.All what audible was breaths.The breaths that were more louder than a alarm that wakes you up from deep sleep.

Eyes got closed.His lips hugged mine.We were close to each other in a way that even air couldn’t pass through.A kiss that lasted for about 5 minutes.His taste was what i loved more than kheer! A sudden kiss had forced us to smile.He was smiling and his dizzy eyes were making me fall in love with that moment.He slept again and my heart was singing the song which i always dedicate to him-

“Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

but when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell

You don’t know you’re beautiful !

If only you saw what I can see

You’ll understand why I want you so desperately

You don’t know oh ohh

You don’t know you’re beautiful !”

And then I started to utter something.The thing which is still in my mind.I still want to tell him when he will listen,when he will understand.My fingers were running across his hairs.”I know you don’t like talking to me sometimes.But It’s okay.I know you don’t want to share your silence.I know you don’t want to explain the things.I know things break you down sometimes.But I’m always there. I’ve stopped texting you,just so I don’t want to annoy you. Bacha, but I’m just a call away whenever you feel down.I am just behind you to catch you when you feel like falling.I just wait for you all the way.But just if you want to let me in!”

Meanwhile my heart was beating like someone is knocking at the door.It was in actual a door knock.It was 8 AM and I was late for my first day of summer training.I woke up and then again my head was so heavy after realizing that it was a dream.AGAIN! I picked up my phone and checked.He still hasn’t seen my messages.

I am sorry but I told you ‘If only you saw what I can see,You’ll understand why I want you so desperately!’.He is not there with me when I need him but I can feel his presence in my dreams.And this night,there is a question,should I sleep or not? because my mind needs a rest now!

 

 

A Wound

I always blamed myself for that wound.A wound that lasted for about 20 years.

It was just the time when I was about to come to this world.She was happy that she is having a baby girl in her womb.A wide smile with those sparkling eyes was all there what anyone could see at that time.But he was in shock with the news.May be the reason was not having any sister!

It appeared just a few weeks after this.A painful blister was there on the his single foot.The single foot that was alive.You can say another foot, in fact the leg  as dead,as there was no leg.An accident had crushed many dreams of running on his on own feet.The pain of losing your single hope is just the worst!

That turned the life of a young man into a suffering man.A dose of strong pills was all what he helped him.That blister had turned into a wound that was spread all over his feet till the toes and half of his left leg.A wound with no idea of it’s origin.When you don’t know the reason,you can’t find a solution.

I was born.So many wide smiles with a lot of flowers and sugar welcomed me.I guess that’s why i’m so in love with sugar till date.

I had always seen him screaming in the pain for one or another reason.It was about 12-13 years,there was no cure to that.I thought it appeared just because I was coming to his life.So many skin grafting were done to cover that area.But to cover that area,a wide area of healthy skin was required every time.For which his high was used and anesthesia didn’t work there.How would you feel when someone will scratch your skin from your body with sharp blades?

That still continued to spread.The depth was till the bone you could see.He never listened and continued taking drugs that were harmful to that wound.

The day he fell on the bed,the day that wound started healing.He was no more able to walk, to talk, to listen, to eat.. you can add your daily needs here.It’s been 2 years since then and that wound is healed leaving some blisters there that marks it’s presence till now.That was the time when i had left the home for my studies.I again believed that I was a bad luck to him and now he’ll get well soon.And somewhere it is true! It happened!

I am afraid to get close to him now.Don’t want him to suffer anymore.I know it might be just a illusion in my mind,But just for my own satisfaction I do that.

Some wounds don’t heal.The wounds that are deep inside your heart.All what your need to heal those wounds is SMILES and LOVE!FB_IMG_1464932072213

 

A Sorry

 

I am sorry,my dear I couldn’t save you,

I hadn’t imagine all in this view !

‘Stay strong’ you always whispered,

the most important  thing,that I should have heard !

The things are tearing me apart today,

Life is becoming Grey day by day !

Oh MY SOUL, forgive me for what i did,

I want to live the life again as a kid !FB_IMG_1462024094552

Death

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There is no death certificate.There is no dead body.But there is a dead soul.A death that no one else can feel.A death for which she still wants to cry aloud but is unable to.

He asked her for her nudes.She denied.

‘You don’t love me.’

‘I do.’

‘That’s it. We’re not going to talk anymore.You don’t trust me.You don’t love me.’

‘What is the point! Is nudes is the only thing which can prove my loyalty for you! ‘

‘You’re mine. I’ve right to see each and every part of your body.’

The silence blazed away for next two weeks.She didn’t want to lose him.And She didn’t want to fulfill his this demand too.There was no single touch she had felt till then.It was confusing her.

That night she shouldn’t have done what she did.He felt happy.He was demanding more,the photos including her face and full body.She denied completely. She should have done this early. But that happened.

She thought he has started her loving more since that night.But no one knows the truth!

The flashbacks are such a bad thing that you need a cup of tea to keep your mind calm.

The another day,her  brother comes with her  phone and asks to unlock her phone’s FILES folder.You better know what happens to your body when you haven’t deleted the files that can ruin your image.He started asking about those photos with disappointed face.She felt an earthquake for that instance. She was unable to digest this thing.The understanding brothers are pillar for your soul.He helped her to be normal again,gave her water and asked her to talk some other time.

At night,she was sitting.The brother came and asked her again.I don’t know what is the problem with some girls that they take the whole blame on themselves  and don’t even reveal the name of the boy.Fuck! He thought that her sister is just excited about SEX and tried to fulfill her urge as he didn’t want his sister to be used.After regular intervals,she was getting touched here and there,for which she was so ashamed that she didn’t even want to face anyone.But she was silent,because of her own MISTAKE! She was afraid of dark.A dark that wakes up the monsters inside humans and kill the souls!

She told him that her brother got to know about the photos.There was ‘LET IT BE!’ in answer.The heart was no more available to get hurt.

She learned to live with a smile since that day as she was unable to hide the pain.Things no more hurt her.She has nothing left to explain.But she has a hope that she never loses.

She loves a smile that gives her the reason to believe in good.She had a past but she doesn’t live there anymore!

Addiction

FB_IMG_1458448754135He was numb that night.She was getting touched,grabbed by another person whom she was not allowing to.No screems were louder than hers’.What happens after this is still not known to me.Being a kid,I had to stay away from all of this.

Today even when I’m grown up,still have no idea of that incident.Never I tried to ask her.’SHE’ the one who suffered a lot of pain to give me birth.’HE’ the one without whom help,my implantion in her womb was not possible.

He had no time for his family.His wife was beautiful and amazing and most important,was a working lady(and he was proud of this). I wonder how people can live without loving their partners.They both were working.At night,she kept waiting for him to come and make up.Every bride has a dream to get loved and cared and those cuddles

The snores were no more in that room another day.He was alive but had forgotten to take another breath.Dark circles were there below her ‘once’ beautiful eyes within this one year.She kept shaking his arms just to remind to take another breath.She was sleepless.She needed rest.She was tired.She was pregnant.

It took a long time for her to get this thing that he is addicted to something else than her.She screamed.She cried.She begged.But there was no one to listen.Fights,Arguments and there he left the home leaving behind his 8 months pregnant wife.

The drama still continues even when it’s 26 years.

She was alone because of his addiction to drugs.She is still alone.Broken.But still strong.

The addiction of  SMILE  is a drug to me.If the name of drugs makes me feel scared, then THAT SMILE is the thing which scares me the most.It’s tough to get out of the addictions.And you crave for some drugs ,  get addicted to them and  then nothing lefts behind.

Smile

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It’s been a month today.Her head nodded.
One month of losing him or finding him,she was confused. But all the way she was smiling.She was missing the day that she spent with her love that is still not revealed.
He was worried when he hugged her after meeting in the morning.All she did to make him relax was holding his hand.
After an hour,she finally felt happy after looking at his smiling face.That was the first time when they both felt each other.That was the day when he got stucked  in her heart,whom she was afraid to lose,whom she was afraid to tell her feelings for him.He was taking care of her as she is a little baby whom he did not want to feel hurt.He was feeding her with all the care she was craving for.He was passing the sweet little kisses with each bite he was feeding her.She was feeling secured.
The day passed.They both loved the day.They both loved each other.They felt relaxed.
She was happy because he was smiling.All what she did was just to make him smile.Just to make him feel happy.Just to overcome the bad days.She had given him what all she was having,all her hapiness,all her efforts,all her time,all her care,all of herself.Just because she wanted him to smile.
Today,tears roll down down her cheeks when she miss the smile.Once she was the reason of his smile,Today the person is not the same.Neither the girl,Nor the boy.Their smiles are not the same.Their cravings are not the same.All what she is dying to feel again is,his SMILE.